Tim Hall

Tim picked up his first guitar at the age of 6, and then promptly dropped it. It seems it was too big for him.

After licking his wounds, he swore off music, and moved on to pursue other...pursuits. (Is there a less clumsy way of saying that?) These pursuits did not include vocabulary. They did, however, include religion, theatre (most definitely spelled "-re"), philosophy, and even, for a time, swimming.

(Tim was quite possibly the worst swimmer ever to enter competitive waters. In his two-year stint, he managed to win only one race. It was the breast stroke. [Tim's favorite stroke, for purely prurient reasons. "Purely prurient." Say that three times fast. "purely prurient purely prurient purely prurient...] He won this race against only one other competitor, who, he thinks, may have suffered from downs syndrome. Huzzah for the breast stroke! In an effort to make himself a better swimmer, he swore off high school hamburgers and opted instead for high school tossed green salads. With mounds and oodles of cottage cheese. Tim has since sworn off cottage cheese.)

Theatre lasted a little longer, and showed more promise for Tim. After getting several lead roles in high school productions of Neil Simon and Tennessee Williams plays, he went on to score more lead roles in college productions of Neil Simon and Edward Albee plays. Tim swore off Edward Albee before he had even heard of him. Ech.

Then, Tim stumbled into philosophy. This was IT! This was what he had been looking for! Thales right on down to Karl Popper! After all, Tim was an eighteen-year-old, and therefore already knew everything there was to know! This would be a cakewalk, right? Right...? Tim has since, for the most part, sworn off philosophy.

Tim didn't pick up the guitar again for another seventeen years. Still, he remembered his first experience with the thing, and that lovely plunking noise it made when it hit the ground, and he's still making those awkward, plunking noises today. It's probably still too big for him.

Tim has, for the time being, sworn off swearing things off.

Except talking about myself in third person.